Thursday, December 9, 2010

Holiday Shopping Simplified

The holidays are upon us. Unfortunately, the “best time of the year” is also one of the most stressful. The sheer amount of questions that pop up around the holiday season are enough to boggle the mind: How many cookies to bake? Travel to visit the family or stay home? Just how dirty should that Dirty Santa present be? And the age old shopping conundrum, what do you get for the person who has everything?

For the last one at least, your worries are over. Just in time for the holidays, Sears has revamped its website to cater to the special people on your holiday shopping list…if those special people are zombies, that is.
Allow me to illustrate with some screenshots, taken directly from the new, zombie-friendly Sears website.

For the jewelry loving zombie, Sears offers a stunning collection of rings and bracelets (harmanz rangz bazzang, in zombish). Shopping tip - keep jewelry weight in mind. That heavy bracelet may be beautiful, but it will be more appreciated if it doesn't cause your loved one to lose a limb. Those decaying arms don't hold up like they used to.

Allow the technology loving undead in your life to capture those fun, brain chasing moments with a camera purchase from the electronics department. Shopping tip - opt for water proof. Remember the adage "blood is thicker than water"? That's true, but it's still a liquid.

And what better way to get all that nasty blood and brain matter out of clothing than with the Sears specialty washer? My zombish is a bit rusty, but I assume "bra!n za! n az rannan" means, "now with built in blood blocker to get your white's whiter." It's a loose translation. Shopping tip - skip the heavy appliances. At a certain point even the neatest dresser gives up the battle against dirty clothing. That point is zombification. And don't bother with refrigerators. Zombies are like lions, they prefer their food fresh.

Still stumped on what to get the lovable undead in your life? Ask a member of the Blue Zombie Crew for assistance.

As Sears’ new slogan says, “Afterlife. Spent Well.”


  1. Oh my, this is hilarious! Maybe they should sell roller skates or skateboards for zombies so they could move faster. :)

    Great post, Gretchen.

  2. bwhahahahahaha.... this is freakin' fantastic. Officer Rick Gomez will be so dismayed that Sears is catering to the Walkers.

    Woot! To our resident Zombie expert.

  3. Nice! Now I know what to get everyone else on my list.

  4. The zombies could at least use some heelies to help them get around. Not that we necessarily want them more mobile...

    Hmmm, a conundrum.

    Thanks for commenting, ladies! i'm always happy to share the zombie love :)

  5. شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة شركة نقل عفش بجدة شركة نقل عفش بالرياض شركة نقل عفش بالدمام