Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Too Many Kids Can Spoil the Pie

A customer comes in with a passel of kids and doesn't seem capable of restraining them. What havoc do they cause and what do the Diner employees do about it?

It was just another morning at the Otherworld Diner. Me in my lonely office filling out order forms for pie filling, Jody writing up the specials of the day, and Maggie refilling the coffee mugs of two midmorning regulars. Then she walked in. You could tell right away she was a mother, the enormous diaper bag, the wild look in the eyes, the five children she immediately started barking useless orders at, they were all a dead giveaway.

Only seconds passed before I heard it, the piercing wail of a toddler followed by a loud crash. I got up, arming myself with a loaded broom before venturing out into the disater area I had once called my diner. Jody was chasing a blond in pigtails out from behind the counter while Maggie had cornered twin redheads in matching overalls. Maggie has her own small passel and was using the only surefire method to capture a couple of wild boys. Two of Talia's glazed donuts and they followed her like she was the holy grail in an apron.

Just as I reached the far corner of the counter, I was ambushed by a screaming midget who grabbed my leg and hung on for dear life. This made walking difficult, but I had to get out there and help my staff. I dragged the leg along like a lead weight, knowing that I'd be paying the chiropractor good money before the day was over. I managed to limp my way to the mother, and watched as single tear slid down from her eye. The baby in her arms just cooed and giggled like nothing had happened. I guess ignorance is bliss.

She opened up her mouth and it was the same old story I'd heard a million times before. "They canceled school, just because the plumbing broke, they canceled the whole day."

I pulled the toddler off my leg and got her settled in a high chair. Maggie stashed the twins on one side of our longest booth, happily eating those donuts. The blond in pigtails was the real criminal. Her victim? The only Boston Creme Pie we had left. Jody led her over to the table and she gave me the defiant stare from those cool blue eyes. Absolutely no remorse.

"I'm five, and today is my birthday!"

So what are you gonna do? Maggie made her a hot fudge sundae and we all sang the same old song.

After lunch they were gone and I finally got the chance to breathe. As I returned to the safety of my office I heard Jody whispering to Maggie. "If they come in again you just tell them you never saw me because I'm running our the back door." Not a bad idea if you ask the likes of me.


  1. Hey! Think I know these people!!!In fact, I'm sure of it!


    Great little vingette, Deb!


  2. Great post. I love having kids around the diner.

  3. I know then too, under different names.

  4. Sounds like my house. Who was that woman and why did she have my children?

  5. Just don't let Talia's dragon loose on 'em....


  6. Dear heart, If you think they are gone, what is that in the storeroom licking the green mold off the wall? Call the exterminators!

  7. And here I thought I came to work to escape the kids for a while hehe

    Sometimes it helps to be the mother of four lol Ya know all the tricks of the trade :)