One of my favorite topics here at the Otherworld Diner has perennially been how to balance parenting and writing, or, rather, how I wish it were easier to balance it. This long, hot summer, I've valiantly tried to keep my writing chin up while keeping my children fed and clothed. Who cares if the clothes are CLEAN, as long as they have them on, right? Anyway, here are some stupid questions I've asked this summer I really should have known the answers to.
1) What is this doing in the middle of the floor?
--- It doesn't matter what "this" is, it's obvious why it's in the middle of the floor. Because they were constructing an indoor toy mountain/waterpark/obstacle course/hayride/science experiment/etc.
2) Can you two finish up here? I have to go write something down before I forget it.
--- It doesn't matter what needs to be finished unless it's "eating cake"; the answer is no. They cannot finish up here and are completely incapable of putting away the toys used to create toy mountain, even though they handily dragged them all out.
3) What do you want for dinner?
--- Chicken nuggets, pizza or spaghetti. And if I'm stupid enough to ask, woe shall befall me if I do not make good on their demands.
4) Do you promise not to do that again?
--- As with #1, it doesn't matter what "that" is. They will do it again. Especially if "that" is "build a toy mountain in the middle of the living room so tall it blocks the new big screen tv and threatens the ceiling fan.
5) What in the world is going on in here?
--- See #1 but add fighting and screaming and something broken.
6) What do you want to watch on TV?
--- Cue arguing and inappropriate requests. I should have just started a Barbie movie without asking first, although that only works on the days toy mountain has not been constructed.
7) What do you want to pack to go visit Grandma?
--- Several toys, at least one of them broken after its stint in the foundation of toy mountain, two pairs of socks, a bunch of wadded up paper and a dress up dress. This is for a several day visit.
8) Where did you put my *insert important item*?
--- How should they know? They have amnesia from falling off toy mountain.
9) Do you understand why you're being punished?
10) Did you do what your sister is saying you did?
11) Are you finished picking up so I can vacuum?
--- Yes! (But no, as vacuuming toy mountain is neither safe nor possible.)
12) Do you two think you could quit fighting and/or leave me alone for just 10 minutes so I can do a teeny tiny bit of work?
--- Yes! (But no, as a land ownership battle over the north slope of toy mountain takes precedence to any promises made to Mommy.)
13) Are you ready for bed?
--- Yes! (But no, because when forced to pick up toy mountain, a project that took me riding herd on them the entire day, they just transferred it to the bedroom and now the bed is long gone.)
14) Can you please...*insert perfectly rational request*
--- No. (Silly Mommy. Don't you know saying "please" or being rational is a sign of weakness?)
So what are the stupidest questions you've asked your kids this summer or do you remember being asked by your parents in the past?
www.jodywallace.com * www.meankitty.com