Friday, October 2, 2009

13 Literary Mash-Ups I Would Like To Go On Record As Having Vetoed:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Sense, Sensibility, and Sea Monsters. Little Women and Werewolves. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Wuthering Bites. Mr. Darcy, Vampire. Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim; The War of the Worlds Plus Blood, Guts and Zombies.

Link to Galley Cat article about the trend: http://tinyurl.com/ybzx4ux

Literary mash-ups, revisions, rewrites, whatever you want to call them--they're nothing new, but lately they've grown in popularity, especially the spoofs where sections of the original text are interspersed with sections of new text, as opposed to a new version (Emma vs. Clueless); true parody (Lord of the Rings vs. Bored of the Rings) or sequel (Gone With The Wind vs. Scarlett). Here are 13 mash-ups I hereby FORBID anyone to write or publish:

1. Gulliver's Travels with Demon Goats (are there other kinds of goats, tm CJ Redwine?)

2. The Secret Garden of Chulhu (one trip into the garden, and you never come back out of it, much less learn to walk after being bedridden for years)

3. Ulysses and The Flower Fairies (Ulysses himself might have been the walking dead, as evidenced by his erratic thought patterns, but flower fairies?)

4. A Tale of Two Cities: One Vampire, One Lycan (It was the best of times in publishing because more people were reading, it was the worst of times in publishing because the economy was bad anyway, it was the age of vampires, it was the age of werewolves, it was the epoch of Meyer, it was the epoch of Hollywood, it was the season of light and the vampires had to stay out of it, it was the season of darkness which is when the full moon brought out the hairy crazies, it was the spring of I hope I can find something good to read, it was the winter of oh my God not another one of those damned rewrites...)

5. Treasure Island: Now Without Any Pirates! (I mean, what is the POINT?)

6. War and Peace and Godzilla (in its defense the book would be a lot shorter)

7. The Digitally Edited Picture of Dorian Grey (a novel / Photoshop handbook, which has no monsters but it still shouldn't be published)

8. Emma and the Incubus (or has this been done already?)

9. The Scarlet Letter and the Color Blind Ghoul (he didn't care about Hester's social status...he just wanted dinner)

10. Oliver Twist, Ghost Hunter, in 3D (you need special glasses to read the book)

11. Moby Dick Meets The Ant Men from Outer Space (nobody wanted to read MD the first time--are ant men really going to help?)

12. Frankenstein, Porn Star (interchangeable parts)

13. Les Miserables Versus The Editors (I don't think that 823 word sentence would make the revision, do you?)

What literary mash-ups would you like to forbid? Or call dibs on?

Jody W.
http://www.jodywallace.com/ * http://www.meankitty.com/

7 comments:

  1. OMG! Girl, you have too much time on your hands.

    But I agree. I do NOT want to see any of these remashes.

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  2. i disagree. i WANT to see war & peace & godzilla. esp. if you add in mothra, chupacabra, and an innocent yeti bystander.

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  3. So Mary are you saying this was a WASTE of my presumed overabundance of time?? Because I feel it's very important to take these mash-ups out of the running. Especially the one about Frankenstein. DO NOT WANT!

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  4. Zombie Goats. There are Zombie Goats.

    But the only place they have in fiction is facing the Were-llama. No Gulliver's Travels necessary. :)

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  5. LOL. Thanks for the chuckle. I'd like to see The Secret Garden of Chulhu.

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  6. I reckon Dickens, Hawthorne, Austen et al would be spinning in their respective graves...

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  7. Austen is already spinning in her grave. Probably has been since she got there.

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