I know the title of this post sounds like it's going to be a rant, but that's SO last week. It's not, I promise. You know how you have that one friend (okay, maybe you have several) who insists on emailing you chain letters, "Hug Your Friend, Pass This On!" quotes, internet rumors, and "What Is This Country Coming To?" lists, forwarded to them by their friends ten or so times? These forwards generally aren't personalized, aren't to your taste, and (especially if you happen to be of a different mindset, religion or political belief system than your friend) are occasionally offensive.
But sometimes, you don't delete them automatically.
Sometimes you go ahead and open them because you're having a weak moment, or you're bored, or you think you're clicking on a different email but your mouse is touchy and it opens the Multi-Forwarded email instead.
And sometimes, you stumble across something that really makes you laugh and you realize why people have that impulse to share things in the first place.
The internet can really help us connect with others in shallow and meaningful ways alike. And that makes me happy, because as a writer, I'm so much better with "words" than I am with people. Before the internet my social circle was severely limited, and now it's not. Sure, not all of the people I correspond with are close friends, but I didn't even have many passing acquaintances before the internet who would want to forward me a joke...or whom I'd want to share a joke with in return.
I hate the internet sometimes, because the anonymity seems to breed...well, you know. But I also love the internet.
I got this email several months ago from someone who doesn't forward many things, and when she does, they're pretty on target. While I could have chosen a few select individuals from my address book and added to the chain (I'm totally having 3 years bad luck), instead I saved it to share with just the right audience. You!
But at least I have personalized it with this introduction!
*** Why, Why, Why? ***
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? [Ewwww, this is gross, smell this!]
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? [This one is my favorite.]
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? [SSssatan, perhaps?]
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? [In case somebody else PUT something in there!]
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? [I love this one, too, and I totally do it!]
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? [Wormhole! Er, bughole?]
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? [To annoy our husbands, natch!]